How do we begin to create space for ourselves in our homes and our lives for us to be FULLY US? It can be challenging when we’ve grown up with conscious and unconscious context clues that we always need to bend to others – that prioritizing other’s needs before our own is the only way to receive the love and acceptance we need. And, not surprisingly, so many of us spent our childhoods in this type of system and environment.
This is not to blame anyone, or even society at large for this teaching, but rather to address that we had conditioning, and that conditioning is now perhaps outdated and no longer filling up our cups. In fact, on the other side maybe we can see a blessing – that this contrast may help us to step into the process of individuation, even if it is a little uncomfortable.
I’ve learned through my life experience that individuation is a necessary part of being able to efficiently show up for others. This is because I couldn’t fully show up for others until I became willing to fully show up for myself. Perhaps not surprisingly as well, I’ve found that when I’ve been willing to take care of my needs, immerse myself in self-love, and stand up for myself if need be, I’ve been unconsciously giving others permission to do the same. This is just how it works! When we shine our own lights, others feel free to shine theirs as well, and we are all more blessed for it.
So where do we start creating this space? Firstly, we need to figure out how to create an atmosphere of peace, and we must be willing to put ourselves first or not just put all of our needs on the back burner.
THIS CAN BE SO HARD TO DO, but it IS doable! If we have trouble quieting our mind or feel distracted or like we don’t have space in our “outer reality”, one of my favorite exercises is to go to this safe zone in my mind. I close my eyes and picture deep roots coming out of my feet and into the center of the earth to ground myself. Next, I envision a room in my forehead that starts at my eyebrows and goes up to about my hairline. In that space I create a 3 walled room. Mine changes over the years but it has the same basic structure: a Persian styled look with beautiful tiled walls (the front that I look out of has no wall at all) and maybe 2 large plants or a big crystal and a GIANT BATHTUB. I sit in my tub or at the edge of my window and outside of it is an AMAZING waterfall with all sorts of tropical flora and fauna, and big beautiful parrots fly by… ah it is so relaxing! And you know what is cool?
I CAN GO THERE ANY TIME.
I don’t need my outer world to be anything other than what it is to go find a safe space in my inner world. Now, the more I do this, the more peace I exude, and the more peace I attract into my life. The better I feel because I have a lovely place to go.
This doesn’t have to be an escapism technique, as we stay very grounded with our roots in the core of the planet. And it can create the space we need to have an even deeper peace as we traverse the earth, especially until we feel enough safety that we can rest easy in our current environments.
I don’t need this space like I used to. I now find enough calm to get quiet where I am, for the most part. I am getting better at releasing my codependent tendency to put my needs to the side to take care of everyone else first. Or, if I absolutely find this a challenge, I leave sit in my car and meditate or go to the park.
As we learn to create this space for ourselves, we give ourselves permission to dive deeper into introspection, letting our emotions flow and allowing those emotions to be released and understood, we learn how strong and capable we are, we show up for ourselves with more compassion, and the real benefit is that then we can REALLY show up for others without any agenda other than to be of service!
I hope this gives some ideas of how to create a restful spot in your life. I am wishing each of you peace and the gift of creating your own sacred space!
Yours in Oneness🧡Freedom