I remember the moment I hit the turning point. I didn’t recognize it for what it was at the time, but looking back, that was the decision that changed everything.
I went through all my old journals. This time, instead of replaying my old victim roles and prerecorded tapes, I searched carefully for what I learned in each entry and wrote it down in a bullet-pointed style list. It went something like:
*Do NOT date Tommy ever again.
*Sometimes I feel angry and that feeling is okay.
*Drinking = BAD CHOICES
…You get the picture…
I took all the old journals and burned them, leaving only my lessons.
At the time, I just knew things had to change. I couldn’t go on like that anymore and I thought maybe a different life was possible. It was a strong concoction of hope and courage- 2 things I felt doubtful I had any of up until that point.
I understand now that this whole LESSON thing I did taught me how to process each event with less and less attachment each time… AND! in the very moment the situation is happening.
It’s very freeing to understand that something isn’t necessarily good or bad, it is just a TEACHER. And it is my CHOICE if I want to learn or not. I have autonomy and freedom there.
From this point, I started to decide what I *DID* want my life to look like, rather than what I did NOT. As I was in my mid-twenties at the time, my lists looked something like:
*My ideal partner loves The Eagles (this seriously was the first thing on my list… I have learned a LOT since then about what makes an ideal partner… don’t judge… lol)
*I make people baked goods and they love them.
*Every morning I jump into the pool.
*I get my Art Therapist degree.
And so on and so forth…
For me, it IS important to remember the past, but not to dwell on it… ONLY to understand the lessons learned, and also to remember compassion and have empathy for those when they find themselves in less than desirable circumstances themselves.
Once we have a grasp, it is okay to leave them behind until we need the lesson to dive more deeply into self knowledge and into our Heart within the Heart.
Then we can move forward confidently! Excited to take on the next chapter of life and learn the next lesson!
Thank you for reading and for sharing space with me here! I love each of you!
Yours in Oneness🧡Freedom