Today in meditation I was easily distracted- as I often am. A lot of worldly responsibilities were clamoring at the door, and I haven’t been practicing much lately… so… you know! It required quite a bit of patience and time to calm stuff down a bit. I was staring into my third eye watching thoughts pass for minutes, doing my best to bring myself gently back whenever I fell back into the monkey mind. By the way, for me, this is one of the easiest ways because I see a little ring of light at my pineal gland area when I look there for any length of time over a second… but I digress. I gaze slightly up and a little cross-eyed with my eyes closed, & then I see this ring. And then the ring starts glowing within and light pours into the whole ring, and then some purple sunbeam thingies come in to hang out. And then all goes black but these little tiny stars. As I am watching, a thought (probably about blogging this) creeps into my awareness so I remember my mantra. A common one for me and a common prayer for others, gifted to us by St. Francis:
“Make me a channel of thy peace.”
I return to my glowing light circle because today it is most certainly a place of calm. It has already been calming me for, like, 15 minutes at this point so I am just going to keep going back to it and my mantra. I suddenly have this image of my mom, who is currently in the hospital, and I see clearly that see wants (from some aspect of herself) this pale purple around her- like the color of Lepidolite or maybe lilacs? And that it would bring her comfort. When I set to consciously send her the Light I notice it streaming from my 3rd eye through a soft pulsating and inner knowing, and then I can SEE it. It is lighter than the purple beams I was seeing, and not connected to them, is what I get a sense of, but none the less I am sending this purple Light to my mom. I’m thinking that’s cool and I will roll with that, when a tug at the top left brow suddenly indicates I am pouring out orange Light to a friend in Northern California. It kinda takes me off guard! How long has she been in need of this healing? How long have I been sending it to her? Wowza! It is powerful!
AND IN COMES THE EGO!!!
“Oh no! What if this drains me of my energy?!” (Here the ego displays itself in one of its more brilliant forms! Fear and doubt! What a powerful team! But no match for Spirit y’all!! Again… digressing…) “Wait a second,” I think, “Need to go back to the mantra, and back to the third eye before I let this one overrun me.”
“Lord, make me a channel of Thy Peace.”
Immediately I feel a clear channel in my chakra column (which is one of my favorite feelings that accompanies this mantra), and I notice I am still sending the energy. I hear or feel this message come through me, “You are a channel of peace. The energy that flows through you is the energy of the Universe. It is never ending energy. YOU are abundant in this energy because the
UNIVERSE is abundant in this energy. You could never LACK this energy. You are just being a CHANNEL for this energy. It is safe to let it flow.”
And so it flows awhile. And then I see what I need to write about today in front of me- or maybe like an inner knowing. (As an aside, I am learning that ego tries to play itself off as inner knowing, and generally, at least at first until the ego gets wise to what I’m doing*, the ego is like a super loud booming voice that is quite possibly saying fearful stuff, and inner knowing is like a gentle loving whisper I touch when I get still and quite. It offers Love instead of fear.)
So what I see is this: that I need to write all of what I just felt down, so that people know that whatever they are experiencing is cool and that it is valid and that it is progress. MOST IMPORTANTLY- it showed me that the important lesson is that WE ARE EACH OUR OWN 
BEST TEACHER. I am not a reiki practitioner or trained in healing in any way. I SUPER admire the people who are, and would one day love to learn. My knowledge of this kind of healing and work are relatively negligible. And the point of me saying all of that is that YOU, TOO, are THAT POWERFUL. I am an avid reader, I love books, I love YouTube videos (particularly Teal Swan and Infinite Waters Ralph Smart, to name a couple for reference), I love group meditations, and all that kind of jazz! But the MOST I learn is when I go inside and allow- when I ALLOW myself to be a channel of Peace. When I do my best to ask ego to take the back seat for a hot minute, and clear the way for Divine Source.
And here is the next important thing y’all! Ready? YOU ARE ALLOWED TO EXPERIMENT WITH YOUR OWN CONSCIOUSNESS AND YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND CHOICES! Seriously!! You can! The ego would love to convince you that it would be a grave error to do so, I think, because it would mean its demise, but you totally can! And the great thing is that if you don’t like the experimental thought, you can absolutely return to your old way of thinking, no big deal! You can experiment with your actions and, say, choose to take a bubble bath instead of doing that thing that you really “have” to do, and look inwards to see how it makes you feel. We do not have to take life so seriously! (*AHEM* Freedom… that was a note to self…) You can experiment with your consciousness and then you can even QUESTION yourself to see how that thought makes you feel. You can even question why you feel that way. You can even question what original habits/thoughts/conditioning/belief systems played a part in the feeling and then you can question how they became habits/thoughts/conditioning/belief systems in the first place! So the chances are if you are reading this blog, you know this already, but this at least serves as a reminder to self, or for those, who like m
e up until a few years ago, thought I had freedom of thought to experiment with and yet RARELY truly utilized that beautiful gift.
We are each on a path. We need to care for ourselves and care for each other that we may raise the collective vibration and consciousness. And yes, this is important work. But we cannot pour from a dry cup. So I challenge you to experiment with your consciousness, and see what is created from the space of infinite Love!
Yours in Oneness <3 Freedom
(*My experience is that once I’ve got down that I am really trying to connect to the Higher Self voice, the Lower Self voice tries to mimic it. Then I have to pay close attention to the message for clues. At least this is my experience. But I am still perhaps in such a learning phase that the ego often forgets and still comes through my brain door like its raining angry propaganda ads.)