It can be hard to release ourselves of the habits, patterns and addictions of our lives because so often they go completely unrecognized for what they are… especially when it comes to our addictions to melodrama. For those of us who experienced traumas as a young child, it can become particularly hard to notice, as the emotional signatures embedded as a result of the traumas became normalized. This perpetuated less of an ability to understand when our nervous systems were deregulated and it can sometimes feel like something is “off” when the nervous system is in a peaceful and untriggered state.
The result can lead us to continue to unconsciously seek out situations, people, places, thoughts, behaviors that keep our nervous system in a high alert state which feels “normal”. In essence, it pulls us away from peace and causes us to habitually seek out melodrama.
When I was in my late 20s I began to realize that never paying my bills on time, always driving with my car inspection sticker expired, and very easy to take care of things of this sort were not done from my conscious mind and that I was incapable: I was addicted to the feeling of unease.
Although I rectified this upon realization, I continued to put myself around people who would trigger me, and I would again and again play out my old scenarios and patterns from childhood.
Now, there’s no judgement here for this. I understand that as humans, we seek healing in our old relationships, and until we find that healing within ourselves, we are very likely to continue to seek that healing by unconsciously seeking out similar situations.
I had come to realize that when there was no drama, say in my romantic relationship, I would become bored, and would tend to latch onto relationships with increasingly high drama, because I was addicted to the highs and lows of uncertainty and chaos.
Fast forward to the present moment, and I am in a completely stable and calm relationship. My partner is kind and compassionate, and although we still have our own issues to work through as a couple and as individuals, we always communicate well and with empathy, understanding and allow each other personal autonomy and freedom to be who we respectively are.
My work is stable and calm for the most part, and it grows at a consistent and manageable pace.
I own my home, and save things that I want to do as home improvement, everything is functional and all the bills are payed on time.
Essentially… there is no drama.
But what I discovered recently is that I still have this addictive tendency towards drama and it comes out as either trying to find something wrong, not doing some muggling thing that is required of me OR latching onto other people’s drama and becoming emotionally attached to the outcome.
Can you spot this in yourself, too?
If you are honest with yourself, you will most likely find the answer to be affirmative.
Especially in western culture and in the internet age, we can always find things to worry about. We can sometimes even disguise this as “love”: “I love this person so I am worried about them and I am emotionally invested.”
However, when we find true faith in God and really trust, the need for this becomes less, as we realize that everything and everyone is safe and on the right path for themselves at the moment and most likely all they need is someone to truly listen without us interjecting our own attachments to melodramas or egoic patterning.
When we truly desire stillness and peace, we will find it no matter how loud the world roars around us.
But we must first truly desire that in our heart of hearts, or we will continue to unconsciously seek out the melodramas of life. And they are around every.single.corner.
So how do we break free?
Because the melodramas, like anything we are addicted to, stands in the way of our sense of peace and personal freedom.
The first thing is to understand within ourselves, by being completely honest, if we TRULY want peace. We have to discover if we are even interested in what that feels like.
If we find we’re not ready, we ask God to help us to become ready or to start seeing glimpses of peace and what that feels like.
If we are ready, we ask for strength to let go of the people, places and situations that interfere with our peace so that we can allow room for new ones in our lives that DO offer us peace.
We practice mindfulness and objective observation without judgement for who or what deregulates our nervous systems. Oftentimes, we will find it is just our own thoughts. To do more work on this, I would recommend Byron Katie’s, “The Work”, which you can find for free on her website. Therapy is also a great way to do this. Let your therapist, life-coach, healer, etc. know that this is your goal and objective and they can help steer you towards finding peace in your life.
Lastly, remember that life is a journey and a dance. You do not have to get to the finish line right away… you are simply seeking more of what you want and creating more space for it.
If you’re tired of daily stress and the feeling of anxiousness or overwhelm, I highly recommend to continue to take the steps towards peace, seeking progress rather than perfection.
If you have further questions or want to begin taking steps towards your inner happiness and leave your addictions in the dust, please feel free to reach out or book from my website. I’d love to join you on your journey.
As Ram Dass says: “We are all just walking each other home.”
Yours in Oneness🧡Freedom