Let’s face it, most of us, especially empaths, would just hate to consider that we ever use manipulation or emotional extortion on others, particularly because so often we have had it happen to us, and YUCK.
But when we are not conscious of our thoughts, beliefs, desires, needs, etc, this is exactly what we end up doing.
I don’t consider it to be “bad”. I do it myself, but very unconsciously… UNTIL I do the work on it… and of course knowing me by “work”, you know I mean Shadow Work.
This is just one reason why bringing the unconscious or subconscious mind into conscious awareness has so many benefits to ourselves and to others.
When we are young, we often have to suppress parts of ourselves: our desires, our needs, etc, in order to fit in or in order to get more basic needs met. Oftentimes we develop habits of then getting our needs met in other ways.
We can’t change our hearts needs or desires. But it some cases we’ve come up with beliefs around certain needs getting met… i.e. “If I express this desire, I will be abandoned by this person I love.” Or “If I express this need, I will be ridiculed or ignored.”
The need or desire doesn’t go away. It is in our heart. Perhaps it is part of our purpose here. But we find it too painful to communicate or express.
What happens is that we squash it down into the Shadow Self (and by this I just mean the unconscious or subconscious mind.)
Then, instead of very consciously expressing the need or want to the appropriate people, we try to find sideways attempts to get the desire met.
When we do the work, we begin to understand what we want, need, and desire. This makes it much easier to communicate with those around us. It gives them the opportunity to show up and say, “yes, I can totally meet you here,” or “I really can’t meet you here, but perhaps someone else can”.
This is important if we want to build conscious community.
And we need community.
The more courageous we are to do this kind of work, the more we teach others how to do the same, just by proxy.
We also then release judgement of self and others as we understand that nothing has gone wrong when we are trying to get a need met. We know that we are human, we have needs, those needs aren’t “bad” and if we are conscious we can get the need met in a very healthy and fulfilling way. We don’t step on others toes by being unconsciously manipulative, and so there is less retaliation from another who feels hurt by the manipulation.
We begin to communicate freely and start setting better boundaries that maybe sound like, “I understand that your needs are in direct conflict with my needs. Neither of us is wrong, but perhaps we should consider other ways of getting these needs met, rather than by trying to force it or squashing each other’s autonomy.”
It can be hard for us to find, let alone admit to, being manipulative. Just to consider it may feel like a death sentence. Because in a way, it’s been our protection. The ego likes to protect us and keep us safe. So we can thank the things in shadows and thank the ego for keeping us safe, and then say, “but I am now safe to see myself and understand myself in a deeper and more meaningful way.”
It’s a win-win for everyone when we can clearly communicate and accept where others are without judgement.
For more information on Shadow Work and how to start your healing journey, feel free to email me for a one on one session, OR if you are in Austin and feel so called, join me at my shadow work class at Flow Yoga that begins tonight at 6 PM and is a 4 week course! (You can also catch me at Nature’s Treasures doing practitioner work this Friday the 24th of September!)
Yours in Oneness🧡Freedom