I think even as a young child I could see the divinity in all the people around me and the plants and animals. I think we all can in the youthful innocence time of our lives.
At some point, however, I developed the silly (and TOTALLY UNCONSCIOUS) notion that this divinity lived in everything EXCEPT for me.
I’ve grown to call these types of slippery sneaks “the ego coming in through the back door”, and another term we could use in this particular situation is “false modesty”. You see, this was still an “I” centered thought. It was still ego centric. It focused on the self but in the “everyone else is enough just how they are but I am unique because I am not enough” way… does that make sense?
We all get these ideas as we age, and ego can and will find it’s way through any door it can… even through our “spiritual door”! It doesn’t discriminate…
Most of our thoughts like this come from some sort of trauma in our life. These don’t have to be big traumas. They can be small ones. They can even come from a really tiny thing drunk Aunt Marge said at Christmas that we processed in some way that caused us acute pain and agony because we were young and then it fed our belief about ourselves, etc. In other words, we come up with these ideas from how we process the world and it’s all important because this stuff teaches us where we need to grow. And we don’t even have to hold a grudge against Aunt Marge because from her perspective, she didn’t even mean it in the way we took it. Does this analogy make sense?
OUR TRAUMA IS OUR TEACHER.
(And by saying that, i am not belittling the pain of trauma at all. But I do mean that EVERYTHING holds a lesson, if we are willing to look for it.)
This particular slight of the ego eventually taught me how to appreciate and see the divinity within me, for example!
It also taught me that although I *thought* I wasn’t a “comparing person” because I have never wished to be anyone but myself, I did wish that I received love. Even though I did receive love, the ego coming in and saying “other people are loved and receive love, but you are fundamentally unlovable” taught me how to LOVE MYSELF and how to open my heart wide. It taught me to learn about how I receive love and offer love to others. It therefore made me more open to receiving love from others. It showed me how to love myself in the same way I love others and how to DEEPEN my love of and connection with others.
It also taught me how to celebrate myself in the same way that I celebrate others.
The theme here being, that it TOTALLY DISSOLVED my terminal uniqueness.
When we can let go of whatever form of terminal uniqueness we have, we open ourselves up for a deep connection with others. And we are all longing for connection, I’ve discovered. (Even myself, being a INFJ…)
When we let go of our terminal uniqueness, we see how much we are the same. We were never alone and we have always been loved and we have always been wholly deserving of that love.
I hope sharing my story helps you to find where the ego has been slipping through the back door and the miraculous messages that teaching has for you. I hope it helps you to remember that you are special because you are a child of God and an important constituent of the Universe. I hope it helps you to remember that you are always connected and that you are always loved!
I love you so much, and as always, I am so filled with gratitude that you spend your precious time to connect with me here and share space with me!
Yours in Oneness🧡Freedom
PS this picture of me here is at about 2 years sober in 2010. I still had so far to go, and was so far removed from myself. Shadow work saved my life and helped me to really LIVE IT! I am grateful to my ego and the contrasts for teaching me these valuable lessons and for my higher self guiding me every step of the way as I move into BLISS!